Dealing with Arguments

Relationships

Arguments and Conflicts

Dealing with Arguments

Arguing Advice

In almost all relationships there are arguments.

With relationship problems it is more likely for the female to bring up the problems, and for the male to become silent, and avoid confrontation.

The advice to the guy is not to sidestep the conflict. The female brings it up because she values the relationship. At least hear her out, acknowledge her thoughts and try to understand her feelings.

The advice to the female is DON'T attack the guy verbally. Complain about the problem, but do not attack his character.

HOW you argue when in a relationship can determine if you have a relationship that falls apart or lasts.

Things to avoid when arguing or fighting with your relationship partner:

criticism,
contempt,
defensiveness and stonewalling (withdrawing from talking)

Good things to use in an argument:

Using humor to break tension in an argument.
Expressions of affection for your partner.
Acknowledge your partners point of view.

Two key things about a relationship:

It is important to build and maintain a FRIENDSHIP in your relationship and that you give your partner the benefit of the doubt when times are tough... namely TRUST!
You have a choice of either saying something that will nurture or rip up your relationship every time... think before you speak!

The above information comes from an article by Dr. John Gottman, Ph.D. is William Mifflin Professor of Psychology at the University of Washington who has been doing research for 28 years on married couples. A 10-year study came up with a way of predicting with 88% to 94% accuracy if a relationship will fail or flourish. These are the pointers that came from an article inPsychology Today (October 2000) by the Professor and Sybil Carrere, Ph.D., a research scientist at the University of Washington.

Love Pointers When you say, "I love you," mean it!

Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.

When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.